Warning: Full Frontal Lewdity

Thursday, September 29, 2011

3 Random Musical Facts

Fact About Me - I love the song "Wichita Lineman" written by Jimmy Web, preformed by Glen Campbell and once covered fabulously by Billy Joel


Fact About Music - After Plácido Domingo performed the title role in Verdi's Otello in Vienna on July 30, 1991, the audience clapped for one hour and 20 minutes (and 101 curtain calls), setting a new world record for the longest applause ever


Made Up  Fact  - Albert Einstein's favorite song was "Sixty Minute Man" by The Dominoes 

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Artists of the Day -Here's a little story I've got to tell about three bad brothers you know so well

It started way back in history with Adrock, M.C.A. and [him] Mike D.


It is that time of year again.  The Time when the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame announces it's nominees for induction.  Now my sweet husband will tell you the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame is a Bunch of BS, esp. because they have never nominated Rush.  But haters gonna hate.  The Hall of Fame is not perfect in fact it may be a little bias but that is not why I am here.  I am here to talk about The Beastie Boys.

For the second year in a row the boys have been nominated.  Last year they were not chosen for induction, this year they had better be. 

Other Nominees are - The complete list:
 Donovan· The Cure· Eric B. & Rakim· Guns 'N Roses· Heart· Joan Jett and The Blackhearts· Freddie King· Laura Nyro· Red Hot Chili Peppers· Rufus with Chaka Khan· The Small Faces/The Faces· The Spinners· Donna Summer.War


It is nice to see the Women representing.  


Of the nominees 5 (?) will be inducted.  Here are my hopes - 


The Beasties Boys 
Joan Jett: cause she loves Rock and Roll
Heart: Girl Power + Sisterly Love = Good.  Also the awesome scene in Shrek 3 where the princesses kicked but while "Barracuda" played in the background gives Heart a leg up IMO
Donna Summer : It's about time and I've heard rumor that "She works hard for the Money."  Man did I love that video
The Spinners : Just because it's time


Based on a poll from Washington Post Guns and Roses is in the lead.  Wha??? I can not vote for a band that took years and years to release a new album only to have that album totally suck ass.


Polls on the Hall of Fame site Show the Chili Peppers in the lead.  I love the Chili Peppers.  Okay, I love the any thing Californication and before , anything they have made after that just is not new.  The current song playing on the radio sounds just like 3 other Chilli Pepper songs.  I think Anthony should not have cut his hair.  It turned out to be bad music juju.  And blond - Oh Vey!


Now back to my Boys 


I've had a long love affair with the Beasties.  In 7th grade I was a lunch time DJ at King Intermediate school in Kaneohe HI.  Along with Madonna and Cindy Lauper we played a lot of Beastie Boys.  License to Ill had just come out.  "Fight for Your Right to Party" was huge.  I can even remember sitting in the back of The Bus (not the school bus The Bus, the name of Hawaii's bus system)  singing Fight for Your Right with my friends Lori and Leilani.  "Do you like parties? Yeah.  We can invite all our friends. Yeah. And have soda and pie.  I sure hope no bad people show up." The DJs also got many request for Girls.  I played it even though the little feminist in me didn't agree with the lyrics.  Now I just think they are funny.  


I bought my copy of License to Ill on cassette while visiting my Aunt Patty in Michigan.  My walkman* and I were in love . Along with the above mentioned song, there was "Brass Monkey", "She's Crafty", "Slow and Low".  Hell the whole Frackin' album was awesome.  Still today I can impress my kids by busting out a little "Paul Revere".  (I can also rap almost all of Parents Don't Understand by The FreshPrince/DJ Jazzy Jeff, that really embarrasses them.  But white girl can only rap songs pre 1990 ) Another Paul Revere memory is from High School.  I do not remember if it was Jr. or Sr. year but I remember being on stage.  Think we were constructing sets for a play (or maybe deconstructing) Paul Revere came on the boombox and we call started to sing.  


Other Albums - 


Paul's Boutique - When this came out it was too complicated for me after the easy breezy Licence to Ill.  I think I was just too young to enjoy it.  Rolling Stone calls Paul's Boutique the Pet Sounds of Hip Hop.  I can see that.  Even though  I like it so much more now I did circa 1989 and I know it is many a BB fan fav, it is not my favorite.  (Hold tight we will to my fav)  Paul's Boutique also has a place in my heart because it was a favorite of my friend Maggie. 


Check your Head - Solid.  Funny story about the song "Funky Boss".  I remember debating High School friend about this song.  Someone thought it was Funky Paws, someone else thought it was Fuck You Boss.  If we had had the argument now a days we could turn to the interwebs for a lyric check.  Of course back in 1992 we could have looked at the CD case and saw that the song was called Funky Boss.  True story about idiotic teens and alcohol was not even involved.


Ill communication - Great songs like "Root Down", "Sure Shot" and of course "Sabotage". (along with a great video directed by Spike Jones)  Even my kid has "Sabotage" on his ipod and as a family we have been know to all shout "Can"t Stand it, I know you planned it, I'ma gonna set it straight, this Watergate"  That's the kind of groovy family we are :)


Hello Nasty - Before I get to Hello Nasty I want to make a short comment about the next two albums 


To the 5 Burroughs and The Mix Up - Meh!  not my favorites


Back to Hello Nasty - My Favorite Beastie boys album.  I think I love it so much because of all the memories associated with it. Road Trips and Getting Married.  When Hello Nasty came out Husband was still Boy Friend and my Chevy Cavalier (R.I.P) was new.  The album reminds me of driving down 66 out near Front Royal VA.  It also reminds me of getting married.  Back in Nov. 1998 I was blasting the Beastie down the back roads of Central VA.  Whenever I hear The line "I'm like Toucan Sam when I follow my nose" from "Flowin' Prose" I am back in Mineral VA, about to say I Do. I can see myself in the car on Edgewood Drive on a crisp Autumn day.  Good Times Good Times.
Hello Nasty was also a predominate soundtrack when Husband and 9 mo. old Monkey 1, took a trip to GA.  "Super Disco Breakin'" I can see the early morning Atlanta Skyline in my head


Hot Sauce Committee Part 2 - What I have heard I like.  Have to keep listening and wondering if Part 1 will ever be released.


So in a nut shell that is my love affair with the Beastie Boys.  And now for your listening pleasure a little Hump Day goodness.  Rock the Mic!


Sabotage



Body Movin'
Intergalactic


Fight for your Right
Paul Revere

So What Cha Want

Wise Words for Women. Thanks Bob!


My kind of Bedtime Story

Remember the great Max and Ruby episode called "Max and Ruby and Zombies" ?  

I won't go into the whole story but in brief- 

 Bunny Scout Leader  goes into the woods to investigate a Ghost Bunny sighting.  There she is attacked by Roger, who has turned zombie.  Roger is a tender soul so he has been trying to alleviate his blood and brain lust on deer and squirrels (who interestedly do not talk.  What the rabbits can talk but not other animals? WTH?) 
When Roger sees Bunny Scout leader he can't take it anymore.  He attacks with a cry of "Uh Huh!"  

 Bunny Scout Leader has been turned, she wanders the streets until she sees harmless Martha and wannabe Louise playing jump rope.  Blammo more Zombies. 

Of course Louise want Ruby to be with her forever so she hops off as fast as she can drag her ever decaying feet (who's lucky now?) and attacks Ruby. 

Ruby now turned lets go of all her pent up anger.  Anger over being 7 years old and having to take care of her younger yet smarter brother for all these years.  Because, where the Hell are Max and Ruby's parents? 

First Ruby attacks Candi, the candy store owner then gobbles up all the candy she can find.  Suddenly sick she gets all Linda Blair and spews gummy bears, and rootbeer barrels all over the joint.  

Meanwhile, hiding in the bushes Max watches in horror. "Zombies" he says as Ruby takes on all the Huffintons. 
"Stay away from my baby" Mrs. Huffington screams, attacking Ruby with a baton (don't forget Mrs. Huffington in a champion batten twirler)  Unfortunately Mrs. Huffington forgets rule 2, the double tap.  Mrs. Huffington is turned and goes after her own husband's brains, even though they are much smaller than her own.  

Max watches Ruby as she enters Mr. Piazza's market. "Brains" moans Ruby. 

Max has his remote control helicopter follow Ruby into the store.  While the helicopter is ramming Ruby in the face Mr. Piazza makes his escape. 

"Zombies" says Max  

Ruby chases after Piazza screaming "Brains" but is distracted by Can't Sit Up Slug, Curly Shirley and Mr. and Mrs. Quake having a tea party.  

Of course this distraction is thanks to clever Max who uses the fact that Ruby is distracted to get into his little car and ram it straight into his sister.  Again and again.  Then Max bashes Ruby's face in with his Rubber Elephant. 

With the Queen gone Max knows he must clean up the rest of the town. Then he remembers Rule 8, get a kick ass partner.  Max recruits Morris and they rid the town of Zombies.  

With Bunny World saved Max and Morris ride to Grandma's were they have chocolate ice cream, even though it's breakfast time.  

And then, even though it is out of charter for Max to utter more than one word, the episode ends with Max shouting a rousing "Who's got the Brain's now Bitch!"

The End?


Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Artist of the Day - Happy Birthday Meat!


Happy 64th Birthday to today's Artist of the Day Meat Loaf

Yes you got me I probably would  not have picked him as AotD if it was not his Birthday. Still he did preform the best song ever about getting it on in the backseat, lying about love and regretting the whole thing. 

And he has also shown his acting chops (no pork chops, meatloaf).  What Fanboy can forget Eddie in cult classic "The Rocky Horror Picture Show"?  I mean no one can ride a motorcycle thru brick like Meat.


Of course my favorite Meat vehicle (No not the Oscar Myer Wienermobile) is Fight Club.  Meat was Bob aka Bitch Tits.  Oh, I'm sorry "His Name is Robert Paulson" 

Thanks to Wikipedia I learned Meat is a Republican.  I won't hold it against him.  He seems like a good guy to have a drink with.  Oh wait, that is what people said about ole "W" when he was elected.  Okay we can't have a drink Maybe we can do some fru fru artsy fartsy Left Wing thing.  :)

Happy Birthday Meatloaf aka Michael Lee Aday born Marvin Lee Aday.  Keep on Rockin'!!

Bullshit probably made up by some skinny bitch



I just read some "inspiration" on some getting fit web site.  It's the biggest piece of crap I've heard, without the involvement of Fox news, in a long time.

"If you eat what you've always eaten, you will weigh the same as you've always weighed"

Hold on a second - Bwaaaaaaahahahahahahahahahah!

Okay now that we are done laughing,  let me rebut 

Back when I was a senior in high school I was 17, 5 foot 3 1/2 and weighed 100-105 lbs depending on the week.  Now can you guess which of those things has not changed?  Ding Ding Ding, give that girl a case of turtle wax, Yes I am still 5 foot 3 1/2 but I am 20 years older and many pounds heavier.  And the kicker, for the most part I eat much healthier then I did years ago.  

Back in the early 90s I really don't remember eating.  Food was, as it should be, sustenance.  Unless it was a holiday or a special date out I really didn't think much about what I was putting in my mouth (Kathleen hold that comment  ;o  ) Here is what I remember as a typical day - 

Breakfast - Cereal or Instant Oatmeal
Lunch - Soft pretzel w/mustard and a Coke (pure goodness not diet)  Often I would add, some  pickles from the school salad bar (of course I didn't eat the salad - duh!) and/or a pack of cupcakes
After school snack - I was a busy girl and would often eat a lot of junk from vending machines or 7-11.  So I am guessing Doritos and M&Ms and more Coke or Mt. Dew would be a typical day
Dinner - ??? This is the part I do not remember.  I know my parents cooked and sometimes I cooked for the family.  Let's say I ate chicken, wild rice and green beans.  Pro. drank milk or juice or yes, more soda
Snack/Dessert - Always dessert in my house.  Candy bars or cookies or brownies.  Something with more sugar and bad carbs. 

Quick note - I was 17 while I was eating this crap, my parents really had little to do with my eating habits at this point.  I know as a younger child I always ate more fruit and veggies.

Let us compare a typical day from years ago to a typical day now

Breakfast - Cereal or Oatmeal and coffee (nectar or the gods) 
snack - handful of nuts, fruit or nothing 
Lunch- Whatever my kids are eating typically - Today it's chicken noodle soup, grapes and bell pepper strips.  I added in a few extra cucumbers for me.  Water (also a lot more water through the day, maybe not 8 cups but 5 or 6) 
Snack - ??? Something, hopefuly not total crap, granola bar, yogurt ?? I admit to eating while I make dinner, popping carrots and I chop.  And coffee to get me thru the 4pm energy slump.
Dinner - Pork Chop, roasted broccoli, salad  Water or Diet Soda or some other low cal drink
After my kids are in bed a little dark chocolate and.or a glass of wine (more then a glass on weekends) 

This is not to say I don't give into cravings because I do.  I loves me a donut.  Just not every day. And come on I get vegetables and drink water for goodness sake. 

So what has changed?  I guess it is possible that I consume more calories now.  But with all the empty calories I used to consume I don't know.  I would also say I  excersise about the same amount.

I think it all comes down to Age, metabolism and Babies.  With each kid I gained a fuckton of weight and held onto a few pounds each time.  Now I  really do not mean to get into my weight loss woes of the past 2 + years that is for another post but I will say after my 3rd son was born the fat really hit the fan.  I can't seem to loss much weight no matter what.  I could eat celery all day long or I could eat cake all day long, it really doesn't matter.  And the more kids I have had the less time I have for myself to think only about myself.   I think I have to move even more as my metabolism is shot. Then again people think that metabolism theory is crap too.  Maybe it's genetic.  Maybe I am fated to be a pear like great great aunt Buela.  Who knows?
Like I said my current weigh journey is for another time but for now here is what I do know. To the the idiot who make the comment about eating what ever you've always eating -I think you are full of crap.   If we ever meet I've got a swift kick to your, I'm sure tiny, ass coming for you.  Of course I'll have to catch you  first, and when I do I'll sit on you to be sure you can't get away.

Now get up and dance and jiggle - Big Fat Mamas are back in style



Monday, September 26, 2011

Yet another reason I'm headed for Hell

This makes me laugh out loud

Artist of the Day - Gil Elvgren


As some of you may know or inferred from many of my Facebook profile pics, I love pin-up art.  My favorite's classic pin-up from the 40s-60s and my favorite artist is Gil Elvgren.

The husband and I are redecorating our Master bathroom and Pin-up will play a big part.  Why the bathroom?  Well I am by no means a prude but I do have 3 young books and don't really think my collection should be put on display in popular family areas.  Too many questions.  As they get older I can let my freak flag fly, or show them a little leg. A little T&A when they have seen it up close themselves on a real live woman.

check out some great pin-up galleries hereThe Pin- Up Files



Tattoo You (If you are my father you might not want to read this)



So I have been thinking about getting another tattoo.  But before I can tell you that story, I must tell you this story -

When I was 20 I got myself a tattoo for my birthday.  I have always been fascinated by tattoos.  So many of them are like wearing art on your body, forever.  My father always said "If you get one,don't tell me" so I haven't.  1994 was year full of emotional  turmoil and upheaval in my life. The short story - it sucked.  Hoping for some cheering up I planned to go down to Radford VA to see my BFF (of course in 1994 we just called them best friends) Robin.We would go to a Halloween party and hang out on my Birthday (Nov. 1 -see my amazon wish list) By this point Robin had at least one tattoo of her own.  She told me she would take me to her tat guy and hold my hand.  I thought and thought about what image I wanted to permitly adorn my body with.  I looked at Tattoo magazines, thought of great book quotes, listened to my favorite songs for inspiration.  At some point, my memory is vague here, we are talking about almost 17 years ago people, I decided to go celestial.  I drew a sun and moon shape, liked it and thought - Eureka!  Now if you know me at all you know I am not an artist. In High School art class all my still lifes  looked like a 1st grader drew them.  All my human figures looked liked  droids with chromosomal problems. My point is, this was not the best drawing you've ever seen.  What was I thinking?  Maybe I just wanted something that was created by me.  Truly my tat is cute.  Black ink, sun and moon.  As I look back I realize my hurry was probably  a need for something perminate.  As I said above, bad year.  So of course a tattoo will make it all A-Okay right?

So I have my tattoo.  Many people do not even know I have it because it is not obvious unless I am in a swimsuit or naked.  My kids have seen it.  First with fascination now with indifference.  The truth is at this point I forget it is there most of the time.  It is on my upper thigh and has become part of me.

Now I am thinking about a second tattoo.  A more thought out symbolic tattoo that says something about me. Something that I will enjoy caring around with me for the next 65+ some years (yes I plan to live to at least 101) My birthday is coming up but I really didn't have that in mind.  But now that I think of it, what better time to give myself a gift.

I's a bin thinkin' and thinkin' on it.  Like I said I thought I want symbolism.  I thought about the number 5 for my family.  I thought about an ankh, the Egyptian symbol of life. Sweet bird and  beautiful flowers.  Finally I got it.  Books!  My most favorite thing, that is truly a thing (The best things in life are not things)  A stack of 5 books, the top book representing me, open only 1/2 finished.  I am also thinking of an owl on there someplace.  As well as a few more tiny details on the books.

But speaking of someplace - That is my conundrum now.  Place. Where on my body should I get inked? As I said my first tat is on my thigh. My outside upper thigh, under my hip bone.  It has been a great place as the shape of the tattoo has not changed during all the weight gain and weight loss I have but my body through.  However I don't want bookend tattoos so the other hip is out.  Also I am a pretty private person and this is a gift to my self so I don't want it to be too showy.  So the arm and shoulder are out.  I thought about the inside of my arm starting around my wrist but I have sort arms so I think a tattoo would took huge there.  Same goes for my foot. I think I am left with back and ankle.  Back would have to be upper back (no tramp stamp thanks) And that is were I am faithful readers.  I have the what, still pondering the where.  I don't want to ponder too long. I am ready for this thing.

Hopefully before 2012 I will have something beautiful.  To Be Continued......

Friday, September 23, 2011

Oh Yeeeah!


Dear Warehouse 13


Do you perchance have any Jim Jones artifacts?  
I desperately need one for my children.
No, no I'm talking about making them drink the koolaid, at least not a full glass.


I'm just looking for a little something to make them follow my every whim and command without question.
So, you got anything like that?

Thanks!


Wednesday, September 21, 2011

This should have a rhyming title but nothing rhymes with haiku



It's been a long time friends.  I guess I took most of the spring and summer off.  More thoughts about that later but first - 


I have named myself the Poet Laureate of Leesburg.  Yes, thank you it is quite an honor.  No, No, please you don't have to call me Dame, that is far too prissy.  Sure, Sure  Poet Chick is cool.  No I don't have a beret, I look like a douche in a beret.  Yes you may snap but please no bongos*.

Anyhoo (generally I would say Anyway but I think Anyhoo sounds more Poet-y.  In fact while Robert Frost was describing Blueberries I understand he said "Anyhoo, they were as big as the end of your thumb"  But  who knows if he really said that I only write poetry I don't read it, but it sounds good )  Like I said Anyhoo, I've been composing Haiku today.  Mommy Haiku.  Here are some that you might have seen on my Facebook wall, plus a few more.  


Now put on your helmets kiddies cuz I just might blow y'alls minds -


Yes I am a Mom
Not all superheroes wear capes
I wear snot and dirt 

What is for dinner?
I don't know. What did you kill?
I'm the gatherer


Do you smell that smell?
No it is not victory
It is your diaper.



I am a Mommy
Hey boys I don't get paid shit
To pick up your shit


Eight is too many
I know three is enough man
Time for the snip snip


What's up with your socks?
Do you sweat dirt or bleed mud?
Where'd I put the bleach?


Michael J was wrong
Wine is not Jesus Juice
It is my best friend 


Thank god you are cute
While you giggle and weave your
Path of destruction

Youtube oh Youtube
My boys can laugh it up yes
Hope they don't type Tits

I had to go pee
I was only gone a sec
We can't have nice things 

Why bother folding
The basket is now your toy ship
Clothes dumped on the floor 


Your sleepy smile 
Makes me think of toddler you
Cozy on my lap


I know we own some
Tape, scissors and batteries
But they're lost AGAIN

You must aim better
The floor is not a toilet
Now flush, wash and go

Get off the counter
If you must spend time up there 
Learn to make coffee

The sign says Forty
Yes I am going Fifty
Who taught you to read?

* Alas Bongos are out, Matthew Mcconaughey ruined them for the rest of us