Before I get to far into this story, I must first tell you this
1. I am procrastinator
2. I do not like to shop for myself
3. I don't like to shop for anything I must try on because 95% of the time I have to drag a toddler into the dressing room. (Cue husband shaking his head saying "I told you to leave him home, make time to shop for yourself. But see #4)
4. I hate to spend weekends and evenings shopping for myself when I could be doing fun family stuff or reading a book or taking a nap
Back to the point - I rush down to the basement, looking through the clean clothes in the dryer. Seriously!? Not one pair?
Sure I could put on a thong. But we all know those things are meant to be worn for 10 minutes until they end up tangled in a heap with the sheets at the end of the bed, or left in the bed of truck. Thongs are purely for show, not for every day. I no longer wear clothing were VPL is a worry.
Sure I could put on something black and frilly. The panties you are supposed to wear when you are feeling girly and carefree. The panties you wear when you give the Hubs a wink cause you know you got it going on. But I am heading for Preschool drop off people - Frilly didn't even enter my mind
I needed underwear, underpants, functional, cotton. And I needed them now. See points 1-4 above. Obviously I've been putting off buying new underwear for awhile. I trash it and don't replace it
Anyway I'm going to be late so I
Why not just Freeball you ask?
Why are you calling it Freeball when you do not have testicles you ask?
Well 1. I didn't think about it and 2. I'm not trying to get lucky by flashing you a little cooch under the table and 3. I just love to say Free ball it makes my think of Tom Petty. and 4. See items 1-4 above. I'm running out of pants too and don't want to wash these freshly washed jeans if I can wear them again tomorrow so must have some sanitary barrier
Off I go, boy to school, me to Target. Did it occur to me to pick up a pack of Hanes while I was there - Hellz No. Lack of sleep = lack of smarts
Then I did a few more errands. Back to preschool for pick up and home.
In the bathroom peeing. Hummmm? Where is that panty liner I stuck in here a few hours ago? Not down my pant legs, not stuck to my ass. Missing. Oh WTF! Did it fall out? Did I litter the floors of Target? Out to the car. Maybe it made it's way down my pants and fell on the floor by the gas peddle. Nope
Well this is a puzzle. I am laughing and also wondering if some perve at the gas station, saw it and picked it and took it home for his personal collection. Then....what's that. There is nothing in my pocket but what is that lump. Eureka! I have found it. Jammed up and twisted around the pocket lining in my jeans. Sigh of relief. Leesburg pervert will not be sleeping with my feminine hygiene protection next to him tonight. Beside he didn't really want a pad, he wanted an ipad
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